Let's just go ahead and lift the curtain here, guys. You're currently at a webpage that is devoted to anime. That means that chances are incredibly high that you've had at least a few good experiences with the gargantuanly popular Final Fantasy series. With twelve games in the core series and an ocean of spinoffs, Final Fantasy has provided its legions of diehard fans with countless adventures, legends, mystic quests, advanced tactics, mysterious dungeons, and crystal chronicles. There are so many games of all different types out there with the Final Fantasy brand emblazoned on the box that it's impossible to enjoy video games, even in passing, without finding something there that strikes your fancy. And just so you know where I'm coming from, I'm someone who owns two copies of the original NES Final Fantasy, all three of the now-hyper-rare SNES games, my PSX collection consists of every title in the numbered series up to 9 (except 3, of course) plus Tactics and even that abysmal Chocobo Racing, which I played to ding-dong-death. I've also got both FF10s and both the PS2 and PC releases of FF11, a Paine action figure, several strategy guides, and a Rinoa wall scroll. And in case you're still skeptical of my absolute blind fanaticism for these games, I saw The Spirits Within in theaters three times, and still went back for more when the DVD came out. Hopeless fanboy? You bet your socks, mister. And so it was in a state of dreamy salivation that I snatched up my copy of Final Fantasy Unlimited: Phase One based solely on those two magical words in the title. For those keeping score at home, this would be my third foray into blindly buying an anime DVD without having seeing any of it prior, and prospects for the future do not look good.
Characters:
So, we start with Ai and Yu. Yu and Ai. You and I? No, Yu and Ai are actually their names. The twelve-year-old Hayakawa twins (which is which is largely unimportant, but for the record Ai is the girl and Yu is the boy) unfortunately share the main spotlight of FFU. On a quest through the perilous world of Wonderland in search of their lost parents, Ai and Yu spend most of their time tripping over every obstacle in sight, getting attacked by monsters, and essentially making the viewer as uncomfortable as possible. Next on the chopping block is Lisa, a character about whom even after four episodes you will know nothing except she has big boobs and can use mysterious magic powers sometimes. The series tries to portray her as Ai and Yu's bodyguard or babysitter, but since Lisa is generally as pathetic as they are she ends up getting into the same trouble in all the same spots. And finally we have Kaze, the Vincent Valentine wannabe who uses his magic golden gun-arm to summon monsters. Kaze is the quintessential mysterious loner, which means he comes about as close to a traditional FF character as you're gonna get in this trainwreck. Kaze's job is to show up once per episode to obliterate the gigantic monster that's about to eat the other three main players, then act like a jerk when they try to thank him.
Story:
That's the outset, and from here on out FFU is extraordinarily episodic. This in and of itself isn't a problem; most great cartoon series have to be episodic to some degree if they're going to be successful. FFU however is episodic to the point of "seen one, seen 'em all", where the first episode serves as a template which can then be used to outline all future episodes. Here's a handy checklist you can use if you decide to watch the series for yourself:
2) The villains spend a moment hatching their flawless plan. 3) Ai, Yu, and Lisa get into trouble when one of the villains sics a huge monster on them. 4) Cut to commercial! (Commercials would be a welcome break, at least, but are woefully omitted from the DVD.) 5) Ai, Yu, Lisa, and whatever background characters happen to be around run around and scream a lot. 5a) Lisa may or may not try to use her magic here. It never works. 6) Kaze shows up. Cue Magun transformation sequence. 7) The giant monster is destroyed and our heroes gush and fawn all over him. Kaze ignores them and sulks off. 8) Yu's pet chocobo goes nuts and runs off, leading them to the Subway and the next episode. 9) Roll credits. As you can see, FFU exists for the junior high crowd which falls over itself doting on such tripe as Beyblade and YuGiOh. When the FFU CCG comes out, don't say I didn't warn you.
Animation:
This isn't to say the animation is completely without merit, because it... er... no, actually, the artwork is completely without merit. I guess that's just one of those things reviewers are supposed to say to make it look like they're trying to remain objective. Objectivity can go rot. This anime is ugly ugly ugly and I'm calling it out. The characters are bland and boring looking. The colors used strike me as awkwardly uncomfortable. The CG sequences (including Kaze's infuriatingly terrible Magun transformation scenes) are unberable. And brother, I've seen a lot of chocobos in my day, and that thing ain't no chocobo.
Culture Shock:
Usually with these fantasy settings (say, oh, the setting of your typical FF game), though, you come to learn how everything works just through experience. Even though the planet is utterly alien and sometimes just downright weird, as your adventure progresses everything starts making sense in context if you stick with it long enough. Admittedly I didn't stick with FFU after the fourth episode, but during that time Wonderland never once gave a hint that it would start making any kind of sense.
Adding insult to injury (or vice-versa) is the fact that the voice acting is miserable. I prefer dubbing to subtitles myself whenever possible, but the voice acting in FFU was so painfully forced you can actually smell the ink used to print the scripts. Yu, especially, is guilty as sin in this department. The Japanese voice acting is marginally better, but the subtitles are often so strangely worded that you might as well just mute the volume and make up your own dialogue as you go along. (Since most of the dialogue is part of Kaze's canned "Magun has thawed" speech anyway, this isn't as big a loss as it seems.)
I don't regret spending money on FFU. After all, it says "Final Fantasy" on the box, and that fact alone is worth my owning it... at least to me. But I'll never, ever watch it again. It doesn't happen too often, but once in a while the FF name gets slapped on something seemingly accidentially. You get that feeling with FFU; they had this anime already done up, then someone came walking in and accidentially wrote "Final Fantasy" on it. And instead of cleaning up after himself, the guy just shrugged and stuck a chocobo in the thing.
...or maybe I will. The power of fanboyism is strong within me, after all.
Overall Rating:
|
|
|
Meet Ai and Yu. Yes, "Butz" has finally been dethroned as "FF Hero With The Stupidest Name."
Spoon it up.
They don't talk about it anywhere in Phase One but I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts this girl has a secret mysterious past.
This gun gets so much airtime you might as well watch an NRA documentary.
I was going to write a joke about the Gyshal line of shampoo and hair care accessories here, but decided against it.
